“You’re the first person I ever pictured a future with.” - john laurens says stupid shit when he's dying
jessica jones sentence starters | accepting!
the bullets pierce his flesh, but it’s almost as if SHE can feel it too. a dull pain EXPLODES in her chest as soon as she realizes what has happened. the world speeds up around her as she watches horror cross the obviously compelled man’s face as he realizes what he’s done. it is then that she is faced with a choice: go after john’s murderer, or stay here with him as he breathes his last breaths.
the choice is easy.
she doesn’t catch john on time. she curses herself for that, for letting him hit the ground. she should’ve been faster. too slow, too slow. her breathing catches in her throat as she pulls him into her lap. she wants to SCREAM, to express her agony to the stars and beyond, but the only thing that will come out is an endless stream of no’s.
she cradles him in her arms, staring down into his hazel eyes as tears roll down her cheeks. she clings to him desperately, as if doing it will save him. but she KNOWS it’s too late. he’s been shot five times, all in the chest, and the nearest hospital is too far. she failed him, and he’s dying. all because of her.
she doesn’t let herself look down at the crimson staining his shirt (one she had gotten him, ironically). she refuses to look anywhere other than his eyes. they say that eyes are the window to the soul. jessica jones wasn’t a sap, and she never believed that BULLSHIT. until now, as he was dying in her arms. john had a BEAUTIFUL soul. one that she KNEW was too good for someone like her. she’d tried to push him away, but he’d been persistent, and eventually, she’d caved and let him in. and now, it was going to cost him his LIFE.
even as he’s gasping for his last breaths, words manage to tumble out of his throat. she tries to remain strong, to not let the sob that’s making it’s way up her throat come out, but it’s too much to suppress. one of her hands cradles his head, and the other grips his hand tightly. she doesn’t want to lose him. oh GOD, she doesn’t want to let him go.
she has a million things she wants to say. but she can’t seem to find the words. she can’t express what she feels for him, how could she? after everything they’d been through together, no simple word could EVER sum up what she felt for him. she loves him. she’s never loved anyone. not in this way..
❝ i- ❞ she begins, but before she can get another word out, the light leaves his eyes. she doesn’t immediately realize what has happened. but when she does- when she finally understands that he’s truly gone, and he’s NEVER coming back, she knows she’s never felt anything worse in her life. her world has come crashing down, shattered into a million pieces, and she wasn’t sure she could ever fix it again.
her gaze remains on his face and she watches as teardrops land on his now still body. her mind blanks, a coping mechanism no doubt, and for a moment, she feels numb. but then, all of it hits her.
john laurens is dead.
she clings to him as she sobs, breathing in his scent (that is now tainted with the metallic odor of blood) and hoping, PRAYING, that this is a dream that she’ll wake up from. but jessica jones isn’t that lucky.
❝ i love you. ❞ she finally manages to get the words out, but she’s too late. again.