from season one

• “ So we’re the Addams Family now. ”
  
• “ I love her and I’m a good Christian, but Jesus H. Christ. ”
  
• “ Do you ever get tired of cleaning up other peoples’ messes? ”
  
• “ Don’t make me kill you again. ”
  
• “ What dream are you chasing? Or should I say, what dream is chasing you? ”
  
• “ I’m trying very hard not to judge you. ”
  
• “ You might as well just Krazy Glue a stick of butter to your ass. ”
• “ I don’t want to be here anymore! I’m frightened! ”
  
• “ You think I want to stay in this world of death and rot and regret? ”
  
• “ Try to find some dignity in the situation. ”
  
• “ Move on, missy. ”
  
• “ Every time I find my heart breaking just a sliver for you, I suddenly remember. You made this mess for yourself. ”
  
• “ I’m not naive to the ways of men. ”
  
• “ You know, I’m way too expensive. ”
  
• “ Everybody thinks they have style, and everybody thinks they’re funny. Most people aren’t. ”
  
• “ Frankly, you don’t deserve it. ”
  
• “ The one thing about the dead is they’ve got nothing left to lose. ”
  
• “ I’m not playing your games. ”
  
• “ I was chosen. And when you’re chosen, you either get with the program or you go crazy. ”
  
• “ I’m finding it really hard to look at your face. ‘Cause I really, really, really want to bash it in. ”
  
• “ I will merely tolerate you. ”
• “ The Devil is real. And he’s not a little red man with horns and a tail. He can be beautiful. ”
• “ Why are you bullshitting me?!? ”
  
• “ I’d paint it a deep, dark red, clear out all the furniture and hang a sex swing. ”
  
• “ That’s what men do–they make you think you’re crazy so that they can have their fun. ”
  
• “ Why are you being such an asshole? ”
  
• “ This turns you on. I know it does. ”
  
• “ I have long stopped asking why the mad do mad things. ”
  
• “ I’m quaking in my loafers! What are you gonna do? Murder me? ”
  
• “ From blood and pain come perfection. ”
  
• “ I shut you out. I was afraid it would break you. ”
  
• “ You’re kind of twisted, aren’t you? ”
  
• “ You’re charismatic and compelling and a pathological liar. ”
  
• “ Grow a pair. She’s not into you. You’re not getting back in her, she’ll never talk to you again. ”
  
• “ I’ll wait. Forever, if I have to. ”